John Rees-Evans is running for Ukip leader.
But there is more to the man as evidenced by these almost entirely true* nuggets of information gleaned from his leadership bid video.
1) He has a weird superstition about avoiding stepping on road markings
How else do you explain that weirdly wide gait?
2) Ninja Cat is one of his idols.
You remember Ninja Cat…
Here’s John’s impression.
3) He either doesn’t understand irony or is an evil genius (or he could simply be telling the truth but that’s a bit dull)
In one section of the video, he says: “What is clear to me is none of us is immune from the ugly aspects of human nature, selfishness, arrogance and pride.
“What is also clear is once you put someone in a position of power these unpleasant characteristics generally don’t diminish the intensify…”
… HE SAYS IN A VIDEO ASKING YOU TO VOTE HIM INTO A POSITION OF POWER!
To be fair Rees-Evans does later claim to want “total reform” of Ukip and a transfer of power to its members rather than the leadership.. BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT A SELFISH, ARROGANT AND POWER-HUNGRY PERSON WOULD WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!
4) He has a LOT to say.
The entire video is 5:40 long.
5) He wants to… wait hang on, what’s going on WOOOOAAAHHHHHH!!!
Sorry about that, was overcome with motion sickness, hope he didn’t say anything important.
Oh shit, he did.
6) He may or may not be in charge of a huge international robot army.
“I will fight with all the resources I have to serve the will of the party and engage our members at a level we simply haven’t seen before, using all the skills and techniques and principles of leadership I have and management that I have developed in the course of my career in which I’ve simultaneously coordinated the work of 800 members of my very human staff on three different continents.”
After all, there were once rumours Nigel Farage was in fact a malfunctioning robot.
7) After all that walking the poor dear had been going the wrong way the entire time
And for a completely different take…
*Only number 4 is true.